


Nobodies

by sunflowr_child



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: All The Tropes, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - HELIX, Alternate Universe- ARGUS, Arguments, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mild Language, Panic Attacks, Paparazzi, Rehab, Yet Another Bodyguard fic Nobody Asked For, broken relationships, olicity - Freeform, so many arguments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23618686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowr_child/pseuds/sunflowr_child
Summary: Felicity Smoak might not be the biggest name in Star City, but it's certainly up there. After a whirlwind year out of the public eye, a mysterious threat forces her to confront the things she had long tried to outrun.With over fifty million followers, it's hard for Felicity to run from anyone these days.
Relationships: John Diggle/Lyla Michaels, Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Roy Harper/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 45
Kudos: 128





	1. Prologue

**Present Day**

**March 2021**

_Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz._

The intercom rang aloud as he jammed his thumb down on the button for the twentieth time, letting it buzz in time to the throbbing headache beginning to form at the front of his head.

John waited a moment before leaning out of a dark black SUV once more, pressing at the button in a final frustrated attempt to be answered.

Giving up, he flipped open the keypad that resided next to an unremarkable rusty gate. 

_“Couldn’t have bothered letting me know the code.”_ He muttered to himself as he punched in birthdays, important dates, and finally just random numbers. _“Knowing her, it’s probably just 123-”_

The gate shuddered and swung open, revealing a long driveway, curving upwards and to the right. 

John huffed, shocked and a little disappointed. _"1234, huh?"_ He muttered to himself. 

He ascended the driveway slowly, passing the fence and tall bushes that hid the property beyond. At the top of the driveway lay an excessive garage- cars known to most people only by reputation displayed neatly behind rows of matte black garage doors paneled with glass. 

Looming over the garage was a monolith of a white house, set back in the hill. It was accented by a dark black wood and cut with so many clean lines that it came up almost completely devoid of personality. You couldn’t learn a single thing about the occupants of the house by looking at its pristine exterior. Tall cacti and succulents were the only spots of color in the bed of rocks that surrounded the house. 

John parked his vehicle and hopped out, lightly jogging up the stairs that led to a set of heavy black double doors. Reaching for the large brass knocker, he realized that one of the doors lay open- just a crack. His military training kicked in and he reached for the gun holstered inside his jacket, using it to nose the door the rest of the way open. His footsteps fell silently on white marble floors.

As he walked further into the house, he found every surface littered with red cups. In the living room, a priceless vase was lying shattered into a million pieces across the carpet. A man with blue hair was snoring, passed out on the sofa with a selfie stick in hand. The kitchen floor was sticky with alcohol and last nights stale chips. He heard the recognizable sound of someone throwing up in a nearby bathroom. 

John sighed, holstering his gun as he headed for the stairs. “Felicity?” he called out as he reached the balcony of the second floor. "Roy?" He tried. He was met with complete silence. “Felicity!”, he proceeded down the hallway, kicking beer cans and trash out of the way. It was almost one in the afternoon- if she wasn’t awake already, he didn’t feel bad about the hangover headache he was about to give her. 

He reached what he knew to be her bedroom door at the end of the hall on the second floor, and called out when he heard shuffling within. “1234, Felicity, really? I’ve been trying to reach you all-” He was interrupted by a loud crash. 

John tore open her door to find a large dressing vanity and all its contents making its way to the floor. The vanity’s mirror shattered as it toppled, pieces of it scattering well across the room. A cry rang out as one of the pieces lodged into the arm of a man who lay partially beneath the fallen vanity. 

John spotted Felicity across the room as a streak of blonde hair, desperately trying to get her balcony door open. The man hauled himself out from beneath the furniture, leaving a smear of stark red blood on the white floor. Pieces of glass fell off him and tinkled to the ground as he stood there, breathing like an enraged bull. Felicity threw her full body weight into the door handle- it would be just her luck that it was locked. “You bitch!”, the man called out as he barreled towards her. She turned around and instantly locked eyes with John, a flash of relief turned into sheer terror as the man pressed her up against the glass doors, two large hands at her neck. 

John climbed over the remnants of the vanity that was now blocking her bedroom door. He was across the room and on her attacker before he could process what was going on. All he could see was the terrified look in Felicity’s eyes as the man's hands flexed around her neck. Withdrawing his gun, he slammed the butt of it into the man's head. His grip on her loosened momentarily, shaking off the blow like it was nothing before he threw her aside to face John. 

Fire and sheer madness burned in his eyes at the sight of John's gun drawn on him. He put his hands up slowly, backing away. 

“Who are you?” John demanded.

The man's eyes roved around the room wildly like a cornered animal, his anger rising when he glanced at Felicity weakly picking herself up off the floor. 

“I’m nobody.” he growled.

He lunged for the gun, receiving only an elbow in the face for his trouble. The man kicked out blindly as he went down, and the gun slid across the floor as John's legs crumpled under him.

John reached out, desperately attempting to slide the gun over to Felicity as he called her name, but the man pinned him down, delivering a disorienting blow to the side of his face. 

Glass crunched under Felicity's bare feet as she ran to retrieve John's gun, grasping at it with one hand at the same moment her attacker reached for it. He ripped it out of her hand and they both fell backwards when it came free. 

Both John and Felicity scrambled to their feet, standing stock still as the man pointed the gun at the two of them from his position on the floor. 

John put his hands up slowly, calculating the best moment to dive and cover Felicity- but he couldn’t think fast enough. With one hand on the trigger, the man's eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, as if deliberating over his target. 

Before anyone could catch a breath, the shot rang out. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a story that I have been working on for a little over a year now, and with everything going on, I felt that I could add my small piece of entertainment to your day. This is only a prologue, and we will dive deeper into a much ~spicier~ Felicity than you are probably used to. There will be language in this story, some canon typical violence, and references to drug and alcohol abuse. Please take care to read the tags and don't read if you feel it will be too difficult for you. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy going on this journey with me! As always, if you enjoyed please leave a comment, even if it's only a few words :)


	2. Running Up That Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are not at all how they used to be- and it's all becoming too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- panic attack

* * *

**Last Year**   
**February 2020**

_“I don’t even know where to start.” tears began and were sniffled back, “This award means so much to me.” Hopeful eyes looked out on the crowd._

_“And my fans, this means nothing without my fans. You know, I used to be just another girl in her room playing around with a camera, but you guys changed all of that.”_

“Good lord, mom, would you turn that off?” Felicity visibly cringed as she walked into her mother's small living room.

“But my baby girl won a Netty award.” Donna cood. 

“We were both there, mom.” Felicity rolled her eyes lightheartedly, reaching for the remote to mute the TV as she took a seat next to her mother.

“Felicity, baby, you’re the influencer of the year! Don’t downplay this, I’m so proud-” 

“Okay, okay, okay mom.” She laughed, fighting off her mother's hands to take them into her own.

"I'm serious, baby girl- you used to sit there and watch that same tv with stars in your eyes."

"You know, you really need a new TV." Felicity smiled at her mother's dramatics, but Donna remained unamused.

“Mom, I’m not downplaying this,” Felicity finally turned serious, “I’m actually- I’m really proud of everything I’ve accomplished this year.”

She melted, reaching for Felicity’s face again,“Me too, Felicity. And you know, this year is far from over.”

* * *

**Present Day**

**March 2021**

Felicity Smoak was calm.

Far too calm for someone who had just witnessed a man shoot through the glass of her balcony doors and then jump off said balcony into the courtyard below. 

Police officers swarmed the house and she sat at her kitchen island, not a thread of emotion to be read on her face. She rattled off the afternoons events to a police officer in a bored voice before a man in sterile white zip-up coveralls came over with a camera. He informed her that he was going to take pictures of her injuries in what he must have thought was a soothing voice, but Felicity couldn’t help but feel irritated at the whole thing. It wasn’t until she was asked to hold her arms in front of her that she realized they were caked with dried blood, and shaking. It was only then that shock read out on her face as she felt the pain of dozens of little glass shards in her arms and legs.

“It must have been from the mirror.” She heard herself mumble as the man in coveralls finished up and gestured for a medic. She swallowed back the rising panic only to find that her throat felt like raw sandpaper. 

The EMT’s led her to her living room, but she could still hear the echoing chatter of the police radio throughout the house. One of the men cleared some of last night's party debris from the sofas and she sat down as glass shards were removed from her wounds and bagged up. 

Felicity felt herself being drawn back from somewhere far away when she felt another EMT tapping on her shoulder. “How are you feeling?” he cocked his head in concern.

“Peachy.” she shot him a lifeless smile. 

He gave her a patronizing smile in return, “What you are feeling right now is completely normal. You most likely just experienced an adrenaline rush, so right now you may be feeling the come down of that- maybe a bit drained and shaky. We’re going to need to take you to the hosp-”

“No.” Felicity stated before hopping up off the sofa in search of John. 

“Ma'am!” The EMT called after her, “Ma’am, your injuries need-”

Felicity darted around the corner into the main hallway, effectively cutting the EMT off. She began to speed towards her front door when she almost collided with two more coveralls pushing a stretcher. The stretcher had a black bag on top of it. 

The reality of it all hit her like a ton of bricks to the chest, leaving her gasping for air. She backed away with short, uneven breaths, when she backed into the very person she was looking for. 

“Felicity?” John exclaimed as she whipped around and took him by the shoulders.

“I don’t understand.” She gasped.

John took in her wide eyes and panic stricken face, “Felicity, you need to take a deep breath.” 

“Is he- I don’t- but it was only the second story-” 

“Felicity.” John’s deep voice grabbed her attention from where her gaze had been roving wildly around the room. He took her hand from his shoulder and placed it over his chest. “Can you breathe with me?”

His words oriented her somewhat, but she could only nod in response. 

“Breathe with me.” He said

“I don’t remember how.”

“You can do this Felicity, focus on how I’m breathing and try to do the same.”

“Oh, god.” Felicity’s voice was barely a whisper as hot tears began to stream down her cheeks.

John's heart cracked in two for her, he remembered vividly the last time he had seen her like this. It wasn't fair, he thought, as he drew her into his chest with a gentle touch.

“Keep listening to my breathing. Listen to my heart beat. Our hearts are both beating and we are both safe, Felicity. It’s going to be okay.”

She drew a few lurching breaths before he felt her relax against him. “Can we go, _please_ , John?” 

“I don’t know Felicity, I think the police had a few more questions-” John hesitated, looking over her head at the crowd of officers down the hallway and in the courtyard beyond the kitchen. 

“Can’t it wait?” She cried out desperately, digging sharp fingernails into his arms unintentionally. His gaze was drawn back to hers by the edge of hysteria in her voice. 

He pulled back only a little so that she would meet his eye, “Let’s get you out of here, Felicity.”

Roy Harper chose that exact moment to burst through her front doors, "Felicity? Felicity, what's going on?"

She would have jumped a foot in the air if John hadn't been holding her. 

Two officers grabbed at him as they panted up the steps behind him.

Felicity tore away from John to stop them, "It's okay! It's okay, he's with me."

"Like hell he is." John seethed.

Four sets of eyes turned to John in shock. 

"Where the hell were you? You should have been here." Roy's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.

“John, please.” Felicity’s voice was tiny as she pulled him back with one hand on his arm. He took one look down at her and she could see the anger melt off of his tight shoulders, "We're leaving. But the next time I see you, you better have a damn good explanation."

“I’m sorry, Roy.” her voice quavered.

“No Felicity, I’m sorry.” He turned around, letting the cops lead him back away from the house.

  
  


\---

John glanced around the perimeter one last time as he followed Felicity through the door of his home, closing it behind them silently. Her arms were crossed, trying to keep up a cool facade, but John knew she was about one surprise away from jumping out of her skin. 

She’d drawn back into herself during the car ride over to his place, replying to the few questions John had managed to ask with only glances and shrugs.

“Lyla’s out of town for a while, it’s just us tonight.” 

She nodded in response, standing in his front hall looking lost. 

Felicity loved John's house- it felt like home. It was comfortable and brimming with the life that John and Lyla had brought into it. She could walk through its halls blindfolded, whereas these days, she often got lost in whatever new place management stuck her in.

“Hey.”

Felicity turned to find John looking at her curiously.

“I guess it would be pretty stupid to ask you if you're okay, but-”

“I'm fine, John.“ Felicity shrugged off his concern with indifference. An indifference so starkly contrasting her earlier panic, it almost gave him whiplash.

“I know that's not true, Felicity.” John shook his head as she shuffled her feet in response. “You’re going to be safe here, and you can stay as long as you want.” He reassured.

“You really don’t have to do that.”

“I really do.”

Felicity relented, smiling a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. The half smile fell away as she finally took a good look at him. 

"You're bleeding." Felicity exclaimed.

He reached up to touch his face, his fingers coming away with blood. "I guess I am."

"I'm so sorry, oh my god, John, I'm so sorry." Felicity panicked. 

"Hey," He said softly, "I’m going to be fine, it doesn’t even hurt."

She swallowed as her hands dropped from his face, “I’m sorry for earlier, for everything. The paramedics wanted to take me to the hospital and-” Her eyes dropped to her feet and her voice dropped to a whisper, “Well, you know how I feel about that.”

John nodded solemnly, waiting for her to continue.

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” She blurted as a red flush crept up her face, “I’m so embarrassed-” 

“Hey,” John took a gentle step towards her, “You just went through a lot, it’s completely normal to break down.”

“Well it wasn’t normal for me.” She wrapped her arms around herself tight.

John cleared his throat, trying to broach the subject as delicately as possible. "Do you- do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Felicity said sharply before he could even finish his sentence, recoiling at her own outburst.

"Sorry, no, I'm fine. I just need some time." Felicity’s voice regained some of it’s distance as she dodged his eye.

"Alright, but, Felicity, I just need to ask you-" John hesitated, looking as nervous as she had ever seen him. "Are you hurt? Before I got there-"

"No, God no, John." She sighed. "You got there just in time. I woke up- he was coming into my room and-", Felicity froze, the words escaping her.

"Okay." He nodded, studying her for a moment before turning to the living room, realizing she was done with the subject.

“Should I order us something to eat?” he called over his shoulder.

“Um, pizza?” she suggested, snapping out of a trance, letting her arms fall back down to her sides to follow in his wake.

Felicity did a double take when she passed by a mirror in the hallway. Stopping in her tracks, she reached up to pull a glass shard out of the tangle of her long blonde hair when her hands paused at her throat. Deep red bruises bloomed there- a deep red to match eyes that were streaked with last night's makeup. She looked about as bad as she felt. 

“Pizza it is!” John announced, holding up his phone as she entered the living room. “The perfect _hangover_ food.” He added lowly as she folded herself into the couch opposite him.

“You really think now is the best time to chastise me?” she turned to him, warning flashing in her eyes.

“I thought you were fine?” John cocked his head at her.

“I _am_ fine, I just don’t need to hear this from you right now.”

John reached over and plucked another glass shard from her hair, holding it up to her with a “hmm.”

“Just say whatever the frack you need to say and get it over with, John.”

“Alright,” He replied, settling into the couch, “What on earth were you doing throwing a party like that?”

Felicity dug her palm into her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “It was a house warming party, _you’re_ the one who was so insistent that I move in the first place!” 

“Your address was on google, Felicity- _google_ .” John emphasized with his hands, “I couldn’t even get in your house that one day because there were so many people at the front gate. What is the point of going through all the trouble of moving away from all that, if you’re just going to be giving out the address of the new place? We talked about this, I _asked_ you to keep a low profile after the letters.”

Felicity’s eyes went wide, “You think that the letters have something to do with this?

“You’re not hearing me, I’m telling you that you’re not being careful. The only reason that maniac was able to get in is because you and your friends got wasted and Roy wasn’t-”

“So you’re saying that this is my fault? It’s my fault that some psycho chose to break into my house-” Felicity stopped herself as her voice began to shake, "I told you I didn't want to talk about this."

John deflated at that, leaning forward to speak to her gently, “That’s not at all what I’m saying Felicity. I just- I worry about you. You need people around you who are going to consider your safety.” 

“That’s what I have you for, apparently. I’m still alive, aren’t I?” She snapped at him despite his soft tone. 

“You insisted that Roy was enough when you took him on, but so far all he’s been is trouble.”

“Stop talking about Roy!” Felicity raised her voice. “None of this was his fault.”

John remained calm as she yelled at him, “Alright, alright. What I’m trying to say is that, of course I’ll always there for you Felicity, but I don’t work for you, I haven’t in a long time, and I am _not_ your personal bodyguard- 

“Could have fooled me.”

John took a deep breath, rising from his seat on the couch. “I am your friend, and I care about you. This is serious, Felicity.” He paced the room, “What would have happened if I hadn’t been checking up on you? What’s going to happen the next time I’m not there? As much as I would love to, I can’t be there for you all the time. You’re lucky I was even in town at all.”

She quieted, drawing her knees up to her chest. “You’re there enough.” 

“Well, what if enough isn’t enough?” He raised his voice.

Felicity rolled her eyes, “John, you’re not even making any sense-”

“Stop trying to snark your way out of this one, Felicity. You almost died tonight! You need to come to terms with how things are now. You have millions of people who love you, and sadly, some who are going to want to hurt you. That’s not going away anytime soon. I know you wish you could go back to how things used to be, but you can’t! Hell, you’ve been gone for months and people are even more obsessed with you now. You can’t go back, Felicity!” John stared her down, breathing hard from having raised his voice.

Felicity met his stare until she felt tears come up, she turned from him as she blinked them away. “You think I don’t know that?” She was so quiet he barely heard her. 

“Felicity.” He said pleadingly, falling into the seat next to her and drawing his arms around her, “I love you way too much to let anything happen to you.”

“I love you too, John.” She held onto the arms that were wrapped around her, rocking with quiet sobs. “You’re all I have left.”

\---

Felicity slept a dreamless sleep. 

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, which was helped along by a hot shower, pizza, and the comfortable mattress she frequented in John's guest room. 

She opened her eyes what felt like seconds later to find the sun streaming through unfamiliar curtains. She sat straight up, taking in her surroundings- memories flooded back and she pulled a pillow over her head with a groan. 

But Felicity couldn’t hold out against the scent of coffee for long. Rolling out of bed, she sucked in a breath at the sting of her cut feet touching the cold floor. She looked around for a pair of socks to go with the oversized sweatpants of Johns, and Lyla’s ARGUS event security t-shirt. She found a pair that had been left out for her, rolled them on, and padded into the kitchen.

“Yikes- you’ve looked better.”

Felicity stopped in her tracks. She hadn’t seen her in a while, probably the longest while since they had known each other. 

“Sara,” she croaked out, “what a nice surprise.” She answered nonchalantly, bringing a hand to her sore throat as she rounded the kitchen island her new visitor was seated at. 

“I figured I should check up on you- nothing interesting has happened since our last email exchange, has it?”

Felicity took a cup down from the cabinet and got busy at the coffee maker. “Hmm. Not that I can think of?” She played along.

“Oh, we got you that hair gummy sponsorship,” Sara talked over the rim of her own cup of coffee, “there’s a bunch of stipulations about the content they’re looking for, though.”

“You couldn’t have texted me that? Or emailed?” Felicity answered from over her shoulder. “I’m surprised they would even want me. Besides, I’m not producing any content right now, you know that.”

Sara’s mischievous smile faltered, “In all seriousness Felicity, are you alright?”

Felicity took a large gulp of plain black coffee, turning back around, “Now I am.”

“Well,” Sara sighed, “I'm glad you have coffee now, because I have to tell you something you're going to hate."

John entered the kitchen, “Is this something she is going to hate more than knowing that there are police currently parked outside, waiting to take us in for a written testimony?”

Felicity gasped, "John, your pretty face!"

She rushed to examine his wounds and bruises which had darkened with the new day. He flinched away as her fingers hovered over a freshly stitched up cut.

"It'll be okay." He assured her. "The police, however, are getting antsy."

Felicity groaned, slumping into a seat at the island. “How did they even know where to find me?”

“We didn’t just skip out yesterday, Felicity, I let one of the detectives know where you would be.”

“Traitor.” Felicity pouted in his direction, “Do we have to go? Can’t they get my statement here?” 

"It will just make things easier, Felicity.” John answered vaguely. “I need to give my statement too, there's paperwork to sign, it'll just be easier.” John reached into a kitchen cabinet and Felicity’s eyes lit up when he placed a silvery package in front of her.

“Strawberry still your favorite?”

Felicity paused from tearing into the pop-tart to shoot John another dirty look on his way out of the kitchen, “Don’t think that this in any way redeems you.”

“I’d make you two a real breakfast but it'll have to be poptarts for now, we leave for the station in ten.” John answered over his shoulder.

“So what was it that I was gonna hate?” Felicity asked around a mouthful of poptart.

Sara gave her friend a rueful smile from across the counter, “Not now, let’s just get through today. You should know, I was specifically asked by Helix to manage things surrounding your uh- incident.”

“Of course, you’re part of my management team.” Felicity replied easily, not looking her in the eye. 

Felicity could see Sara’s jaw clench from where she was pretending not to look, “Right.” 

“What do you mean, ‘specifically’?” She swirled her coffee absentmindedly,

“I mean, I’m all yours.”

“Wow, Helix must really love me- my own, dedicated publicist.” The irony was thick in Felicity’s voice- Sara used to be just that.

Sara pasted on a smile, “You know you’re my favorite client.” and then waited a beat, “We should talk about press.”

Felicity frowned at the island countertop. “I don’t want to talk about this with the press.” 

“That’s more than fine, Felicity.” Sara said gently, “We don’t want anything getting out about this right now.”

Felicity met her eye with confusion, “That’s not like Helix at all. I half expected you to have me telling my harrowing tale on Good Morning Star City already.”

Sara looked up at the ceiling, taking a moment to choose her words carefully, “There is a threat to your security, Felicity. At this time, they think it’s best if you keep a low profile.”

“Don’t talk to me like you’re reading a prepared statement, Sara. If we're not doing press, then why are you here? And what do you mean there _is_ a threat to my security? I thought he was-” Felicity gulped down a breath as her mind took her places she didn’t want to go. _Blood and glass on the bedroom floor. A sickening thud. Blood on the floor. So much blood-_

“Felicity.” Sara called sharply.

Felicity’s head snapped up to find Sara suddenly next to her with a hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s alright. He’s gone. You’re safe.”

  
  


\---

_It's alright. He's gone. You're safe._

_It's alright. He's gone. You're safe._

Felicity repeated the words in her head to remind herself as she rocked, hands wrapped around her knees. She was seated on a hard plastic bench in the waiting area of the police station, wondering why she had gotten her testimony over with before John had.

The detectives were nice enough, apologizing for the necessity of having to go back over the events, and then go back over them again before signing a nice hefty document they had helped her prepare. 

It was over, she had told them what happened, and she never had to think about it again. The letters would stop, she could stop looking over her shoulder and get back to living. The detectives had reassured her they were going to get to the bottom of things but she would be just as glad to never have to see them again. 

Felicity chewed on a fingernail as she glanced around the station once more. She looked up just in time to see John walking out from a long hallway, he paused to look around, and she noticed his foot tapping nervously until his eyes settled on her. 

Felicity stretched out as she stood and they met in the middle, “They certainly took their time with you.” her voice was rough with the emotion of the past few hours. John frowned, “Sorry about that, I'll tell you in the car, Sara's waiting out front for us.”

She nodded, her head somewhere else.

“Are you alright?” John asked softly, one step behind her. 

“I'd be better if everyone stopped asking me that.” She focused on the car waiting for them down the steps.

“I tried to convince them to let us give our testimonies together but-”

“It's fine, John. I got through it.”

She met his eye briefly as she pulled open her door, giving him a weak smile in hopes he would drop it. 

Felicity lost track of time as they made the drive back to John's house, Sara and John whispering back and forth in the front seat, exchanging worried looks over a dead-eyed Felicity in the back seat.

They were five minutes away when Felicity had just about enough of Sara's glances at her in the rearview mirror. She turned a sharp eye back at her the next time she caught her at it, “Just spit it out.”

“We're just worried about you.”

“Tell me something I don't know,” Felicity angled her head to the side, “Like what you were going to tell me that you thought I wouldn’t like?”

“I'm not hiding anything, Felicity. I'm just trying to figure out the right time to tell you.”

“How about now, before I get any more annoyed.” Felicity grumbled.

Sara frowned, biting her tongue as she turned the car into John's neighborhood.

“Like I said earlier, Helix is worried about threats to your safety. You've been with us for four years Felicity, you know how much you're valued as part of their team. I've been back and forth on the phone with the rest of your team all morning, and right now we are all in agreement- the number one priority right now is increasing security around you.”

Felicity’s eyes went wide with apprehension, “What does that mean?” she asked, knowing full well what it meant.

“It means upgrading your security system, tightening the inner circle, Felicity, it means- Helix is hiring round the clock security.”

Felicity was stone still as Sara glanced at her in the rearview mirror. 

Felicity clicked her tongue. “Huh.” 

“Felicity?”

“Security is the number one priority, huh? That’s why the first person they sent was a publicist.”

Felicity saw the flash of hurt in Sara's eyes, but she couldn't stop herself, she had to dig deeper. "That's why they don't want me talking to the press, can't make any money off of me if the public sees me as just some sad, hurt little victim."

“They sent somebody who cares about you.” Sara's voice was quieter, but harder. 

Felicity pressed on, ignoring Sara's words, "Around the clock security? So Helix is locking me up- god forbid something happen to their little cash cow. No, there’s no way, I’m not doing this again."

Sara bit down on her lip, and John stepped in for her, “That's enough, Felicity. You're angry and you're hurt, but you don't get to take it out on Sara."

Sara continued, fully in defense mode. "This isn't just coming from me, Felicity, this is coming from the top. You know this- it's in your contract. "

Felicity directed her gaze out the window for a moment, her eyes ablaze when she finally turned to speak again, “It's not happening. They can't lock me up like I'm friggin Rapunzel, and only take me out of my cage when they want me to sing and dance. We’ve been through this before and it didn’t work out- ”

"That's not at all what this is-"

"Then why don't I have a choice?" Felicity shouted in the small of the car.

“I don't understand you!" Sara huffed. "You use event security all the time, Felicity. Hell, you have Roy following you around half the time, anyways. But anytime someone dares to suggest private security-”

“This is not an event, Sara, this is my life!” Felicity shouted again before letting silence settle in the car for a moment.

“I didn’t like it the last time we tried it, and I’d really rather not repeat that experience. I’m fine with continuing to use Diggles company for event security- I get why I need that. But Roy is not my bodyguard, I don’t need one and I don’t want one. I turned out just fine today and I’ll continue to be fine on my own. Just stop acting like you’re not asking a lot from me; stop acting like you're not asking me to let a gang of huge scary men in sunglasses follow me around just to get coffee!”

“You know, we prefer the term ‘executive protection’.” Diggle inserted. “And he’s not huge or scary-”

Felicity narrowed her eyes at John, “You mean they’ve already hired somebody? This is exactly what I'm talking about, I had no say in this.”

“Felicity would you calm down,” Sara turned around in her seat, ”it’s not the end of the world. There’s random people in your house all the time, what’s one more?”

“My _house_? You’re not saying someone’s going to be living with me?” Felicity laughed, the pitch of her voice bordering on hysteria, “No. That is not happening.”

“Oh for christ's _sake_ , Felicity. You have no idea how serious this threat is. Why is your freedom so much more important to you than your safety?”

"What threat?" Felicity practically screamed, her raw voice cracking, "He's dead! I watched him jump off my balcony, Sara. I saw him in a body bag."

Sara turned around and at least had the sense to stay quiet, but the look of pity in both her and John's eyes annoyed Felicity more than their silence. 

“You know,” Felicity continued, "I keep hearing about this threat, and yet nobody wants to indulge me with any of the details.”

John and Sara exchanged glances, for maybe the thirtieth time in such a short car ride.

“I don't need this.” Felicity's voice was hard as she spoke up, tired of waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. ”After everything I've been through- I think we all know I'm just fine on my own.”

Sara's eyes went back to the road as she slowed down to turn onto John's street,

“You'll see.”

The overhead light came on as the door popped open, John almost startled out of his seat when he turned around to see Felicity roll out of the car. 

Sara stomped on the breaks as John quickly opened his door, “did she just-”

“Yup”, John sprinted around the other side of the car, but Felicity was already halfway down the street, headed for the corner.

John called after her, but she only ran faster.

“Take the car around to the other side of the block and see if you can cut her off.” John barked, taking off after her.

“Damn it, Felicity.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the beginning of this chapter is not necessarily an accurate depiction of a panic attack, and that if someone is experiencing one it is not always the best idea to make physical contact with them. This is just my depiction of John and Felicity's relationship in this story and how it would happen with them. 
> 
> Chapter title is from Kate Bush/Meg Myers song "Running Up That Hill." 
> 
> Leave a comment below if you enjoyed this chapter! Where do you think Felicity will go...?


	3. Slide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity faces the aftermath of her decision to jump out of a moving vehicle- and discovers that there is a reason her friends continue to fear for her safety. 
> 
> In the past, the people she trusted were not who she thought they were.

**Present Day**

**March 2021**

Her head was pounding, pounding like her feet on the pavement for the last three miles. Running felt good- breaths came like sandpaper down her raw throat, but her mind felt clear for the first time in a long time. 

Felicity only slowed down when she reached a block of shops she recognized. She let out a shaky breath as she collapsed on a bench outside her favorite coffee shop. The place was small and quiet- squished between a boutique and a book shop- it was her favorite place to get away. Just a little hole in the wall, a home away from home. 

Once she had caught her breath, she glanced through the storefront window and did a double take- the place was _packed._ The line was doubled back on itself today, it didn't look like there was a single open seat inside. 

She dropped her head into her hands, the crowd probably had little to do with their new mint chocolate chip mocha flavor, and everything to do with Felicity getting photographed coming here last week on one of her rare trips out. 

She thought for the first time that jumping out of a moving vehicle and running off by herself may not have been the best idea- but she would be damned before she let other people make decisions for her, danger or not. She had been just fine on her own, from a handful of followers to a couple million, and she wasn’t going to let one psycho fan scare her away from large crowds.

She squared her shoulders, pulling her hoodie over her head, covering her bruised neck and adjusting her sunglasses as she went inside and waited to order her black coffee and croissants to go. 

After a long wait, an employee quickly thrust a coffee mug and plated croissant into her hands before she had any time to protest. Not wanting to draw any attention to herself, she looked around for a table, feeling slightly panicked. 

Not a single table was empty, but there just so happened to be one single chair open in the back, across from a man who was wholly occupied by whatever he was writing in a notebook. 

Felicity took a deep breath, summoned a cheery look and approached him, “So I never do this, but there's nowhere else to sit. Would you mind if-” She attempted to set her dishes down as she spoke, and watched in horror as her shaking hands completely overturned the coffee mug.

“What the hell?” The man shot up out of his seat before the coffee could spill out onto his lap, but unfortunately his book was not spared. 

Her cheeks bloomed bright red as she watched him pick up his dripping notebook, bright blue eyes flicking up at her from under a Star City Rockets ball cap. His mouth was open, probably ready to curse her out, but snapped shut as his eyes squinted in recognition. 

_Oh no_ Felicity thought, she knew that look. 

She pulled her sunglasses off, mood switching in an instant from apologetic to menacing. Her voice dropped down to a whisper, “Before you say anything, _yes_ it is really me, I’m sorry about the coffee, I’ll sign something for you if you keep it down and don't tweet that I’m here right now.”

The man stood staring at her, his notebook still held aloft and dripping onto the table. He held her gaze for a moment before he scoffed, snatching the napkins from her plate to soak up some of the coffee.

He shook his head at her as he grumbled his frustrations under his voice. She stood frozen in anxiety over the situation, finally reaching to help him as he was almost done clearing the mess.

“Don’t bother.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, his mouth in a tight frown even as he waved for her to sit down. “Just sit.” He said, and followed suit. 

Felicity didn’t argue, practically tripping into the chair as she took a huge bite out of her croissant, gulping down what was left of her scalding coffee in an attempt to get out of there as fast as she possibly could. The man had looked back down at his soggy notebook after inviting her to sit and hadn't once looked back up at her. 

Felicity studied the man across from her, swallowing a huge bite that didn't go down well with the guilt in the pit of her stomach. “Hey,” she started lowly. He only briefly glanced up from where he was alternating between writing in and dabbing at his notebook with a napkin. “I'm really sorry, I just really need to get home soon and didn't want to start a stampede if someone figured out I was here.”

The man didn’t spare her a glance as the silence continued. “I really could sign something for you, if you want?” She bit her lip, searching for a way to make it right.

The man capped his pen and once again centered striking blue eyes on her, “I'm good.” He answered, his expression remaining as uninterested as it had the entire five minutes she had sat with him. They stared at each other, the moment breaking as she caught his eyes darting down to the bruises blooming across her neck. 

Felicity opened her mouth to reply but he simply got up, gathered his things, threw the wet napkins into the trash, and strode out of the coffee shop- leaving her with her mouth still open. She huffed as she glanced over the table where he was seated.

Felicity’s brow furrowed in annoyance as she got up to dispose of her trash- she was going to need something stronger to get through this day. 

* * *

**Two Years Ago**

**February 2019**

“Is it just me or are the hosts like, particularly annoying this year?” a voice echoed around a white marble bathroom.

“Oh my god, what were they thinking? _Felicity Smoak_?” said a second voice.

“Right? You know she only has a following because like, her mom slutted it up with some big time execs back when she was a cocktail waitress in Vegas.” piped up a third voice. 

“I believe it. I’ve watched some of her videos before and she takes herself _so_ seriously. She thinks she’s _so_ funny, but really it’s just like, please shut up and give me the last five minutes of my life back.”

“Give me back this whole _night_ if they’re going to keep having her present the categories.”

“Ugh, with that shrill voice? I hear that’s what happens when you stick your fingers down your throat one too many times.”

A chorus of laughter followed. 

“Anyways, don’t you _know_ her, Alena?”

The third voice spoke up again, “Uh, yeah, sorta. We’re managed by the same company so we did that sponsored trip for Fashion Bird together, Evelyn went too. We mostly just hung around her to get some good pics for instagram. She’s got soo many followers.”

“Ew, you had to spend a whole week with her?”

More giggles.

“Oh, trust me, it was awful. But I mean, I got a collab and a ton of free stuff out of that trip, so it was worth it. People think we’re friends now so they follow me. Let’s get out of backstage before we run into her and I have to pretend to be friends again.“

“Did you get to meet her boyfriend? Oh my god he’s so hot, too bad he’s with that freak.” The three voices murmured in agreement. 

Alena’s voice piped up once more, echoing across the bathroom as the trio made their way to the door, “Too bad _nothing_. I got to do more than just meet him, if you know what I mean.”

The bathroom door swung shut, leaving the echoes of their shrill laughter ringing behind them.

Felicity exited the stall she had quietly occupied. She looked in the mirror, there were no tears, no surprise- nothing on her face to betray what she had just heard from what she considered to be the last of her good friends. She washed her hands and exited the bathroom. Ray, her bodyguard, began trailing behind her- as if nothing had happened.

* * *

**Present Day**

**March 2021**

It was a long walk back without a surge of adrenaline rushing through her veins. _Idiot._ She thought. _You’re an idiot._ Looking over her shoulder every five seconds, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t alone. 

Her feet were numb from the impromptu marathon, but judging by the wetness she felt in her socks, she knew she had split open the cuts on her feet. Her shoulder throbbed from where she had landed after jumping out of the car. Shaking hands automatically reached into her pocket for the fifth time before remembering she had left her phone in the car. 

She stopped at the corner gas station to collect her nerves in the beverage aisle. The selection wasn’t great, but she knew it would calm her shaking hands that had only been made worse by the caffeine. She was debating between going home, or back to John's house when her own face on the cover of a trashy gossip magazine had her frozen in place.

She was front and center on the cover- the picture had clearly been taken the night before the attack. They had been walking to the car, one of her friends had insisted on meeting up to pregame at some fancy restaurant downtown. She remembered the laughter as Roy insisted on being piggybacked all the way back to the car. She lingered on her expression in the photo, almost in disbelief that she could look almost- well, happy. 

She was usually pretty good at spotting paps, she had successfully dodged them for some time, but she had no idea she was being photographed that night. She glanced over the caption, rolling her eyes at the implication that Roy and her were dating. _Roy._ She missed him already, would he ever come back?

She looked back up at the pictures, finally reading a headline that sent a stab of fear through her chest. 

_“Newest Celebrity Victim in Shocking Crime Spree- anonymous group claims responsibility”_

_Newest_ victim? Anonymous group? All of Sara and John’s worried glances flashed through her head. They knew, they must have known- this wasn’t a random attack. 

“Are you going to pay for that?” The gas station attendant's voice brought her back to reality. Her arm was going numb from the heavy glass bottle she carried in the crook of her elbow. She glanced at the magazine, and then back to the attendant, thankful her oversized sunglasses still rested on her face. 

“Fuck,” her voice came out gritty and she coughed to clear it, “sorry.”

She threw a handful of cash down on the counter as the attendant placed the bottle in a brown paper bag. As soon as it was handed back to her, she ran out the door, ripping the bag open to take a large swallow of something that could have stripped paint. She winced as it went down, her throat still raw from the attack.

But nothing would be enough to drown out the burning sensation of a thousand eyes watching her, or the sound of footsteps that had her jumping as she rounded every corner. She debated walking back to Diggles; she knew her place was much closer but it was also the last place she wanted to be right now. Her heart raced with every car that drove by. By the time she found herself at the front of her gated community, she was nearly crawling out of her skin. 

\---

**Two Years Ago**

**February 2019**

“What is this?” Cooper slammed his phone down on the desk in front of her.

“An email.” Felicity replied in the dryest tone she could muster up, not even bothering to look up from her screen.

“You can’t break up with me through an email from your assistant.” 

“I’m not breaking up with you-” Felicity shook her head at him, “I’m negotiating the conclusion of what _was_ a mutually beneficial working relationship.” She stood up from her desk, “Because that’s what this was, right? It’s not like we were ever really together.”

He pointed his finger at her angrily, “This is more than that and you know it, Felicity.”

“Do I?” She cocked her head in mock confusion.

“You can’t do this. You have no idea what I’ve done for you- what I could do to you.”

Her anger finally started to show, “Oh, I’m starting to get some ideas.” 

Ray stepped in as Cooper took a threatening step towards Felicity, “That’s enough.” Ray said tensely.

Cooper looked ready to shove the bodyguard out of the way when Felicity spoke up again, 

“Oh, that’s right, Mr. Palmer. Since the two of you are such good friends, you can see yourself out as well.”

* * *

**Present Day**

**March 2021**

The look on Roy's face shook Felicity to her core. Relief mixed with anger as he pulled her into a hug strong enough to hurt. "Don't you ever do that again. Don't you ever." He pulled back to look at her, "Do you have any idea what you just put John and Sara through? They called _me_ , Felicity, do you know how desperate they have to be right now?"

Felicity could only shake against him in reply. 

"There are police out searching for you. John’s been driving around, he went to three different hospitals. I had to explain to Sara why we couldn't put an AMBER alert out for you. Why did you run, Felicity?"

“I just can't take the look in their eyes anymore, Roy.” She whispered against his chest.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone. Everyone just looks at me and treats me like I'm fragile. Like I'm this poor, broken person; and they've been looking at me like that all year. You didn’t used to look at me like that, Roy. You never used to until- "

Felicity felt him shake his head as he continued to hold on to her.

"We don’t have to do this now."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, finally looking up at him. "Please come back."

"Felicity," Roy started hesitantly, "Have you been drinking?" 

Her face crumpled, tears flooded her eyes that she refused to let fall. 

"Please don't look at me like them."

He held onto her but she could tell he was pulling away.

“Just take me home, please.” she said, her voice coming out as small as she felt. 

Roy opened his car door for her and she climbed in. She watched through the tinted windows as he talked to the gate security attendant, probably thanking him for calling Roy and not the police. She bit her lip hard as she watched Roy pass the man some money- probably to keep him quiet, that was just how things worked. 

They were silent almost the whole way back to John's house.

"It's not your fault, you know." Felicity finally said. “If you’re blaming yourself.”

"Maybe." He sighed "But John's right, I should have been there."

"I told you to go."

Roy shook his head, focusing on the road ahead. "I shouldn't have listened to you."

\---

Felicity spent a long night staring up at the ceiling of John Diggle’s guest room. 

Roy had left the moment he got her inside, and she really couldn’t blame him. She was safe, sober, tucked into bed and finally in some of her own clothes; but she couldn’t shake that same feeling crawling up her spine that she had felt today. That feeling of being vulnerable, of being watched. The longer she thought about it, the more she felt like an idiot- it’s not like there was much in the way of lowlife walking around between the colossal mansions, upscale spas, and tennis courts that made up the neighborhood of Hidden Hills. Her neighborhood was safe- at least that’s what she thought until she had awoken to the shadow of a man she didn’t know hovering over her, weapon in hand. She tried to reassure herself with the knowledge that that man was gone now, but all that line of thought did was conjure up images she never wanted to see again. 

She reached for her phone that she had found on the floor of Diggles car, tempted to fall down the rabbit hole of googling her name. She paused with her finger over the search bar, already knowing what she would see when she put her name in. The tabloids thought she was clinging to life in a hospital- what a perfectly dramatic cap to a perfectly miserable year. Her tragedy was making someone out there big bucks, there was probably already some top twelve list of her shittiest moments of the year. But Felicity’s feet hurt, and she didn't feel like taking that stroll down memory lane. Besides, if they thought she was dying, how much of the truth did they really have? They did know her attack was somehow connected to others- which is more than she knew herself. 

Her need to scratch the itching feeling crawling up her spine eventually lost out to a blinding headache. She switched her phone off and threw it on the nightstand, getting up in search of pain relief. 

A single light was still on in the kitchen, casting a shadow across her friend leaning against the counter. 

“What are you still doing here?”

Sara looked up from her mug of coffee, an unamused smile plastered across her face “Hey Sara, how ya doing Sara, I’m sorry I jumped out of a moving vehicle that you were driving, Sara.”

“I don’t see why you’re mad, should be good publicity, right?”

Sara shook her head, “To answer your question, I’m here to babysit you. John and I are taking turns- ”

“I already told you that I don’t need to be babysat, I walked around for hours today and nobody tried to kill me.”

Sara scoffed at that. “Roy told me that your breath could peel paint when he picked you up- you do need a babysitter. You’re reckless.”

“Roy exaggerates.”

Sara shot Felicity a disbelieving look in reply. 

“And no offense, but what’s a communications major going to do when a guy built like a fridge comes busting in here?”

“I say this with all the love in my heart, Felicity, but you’re a real bitch sometimes.”

Felicity recoiled like she had been slapped, taking a step back as surprise and hurt flashed across her face.

“Did you even know that I’m a Sifu in Wing Chun?” Sara pushed on.

“Barring the fact that I have no idea what that means, how would I have possibly known that?” Felicity retorted.

“Maybe because I’ve been inviting you to tournaments all year. We literally met in a gym, Felicity. Did you know I drove around looking for you today while John searched the hospitals? I was just praying we would at least find you half dead somewhere, because at least that would mean you were still alive.”

Felicity bit her lip as Sara looked at her expectantly. 

“And hasn’t it occurred to you that Helix should be breathing down your neck about when you’re going to start working again? I’ve been covering for you for _months_ , Felicity.”

Felicity looked down at the ground, mumbling, “Nobody asked you to do that.”

“You’re absolutely right, you would never ask me to do that because you never ask for help.” Sara’s voice was tight with anger, “Look, I get it, you’ve been through hell, you’re allowed to fall apart a little bit. But while you’re doing that, the rest of us have been trying to pick up the pieces and all you can do is push us away. You push and you push, Felicity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s been over a year of us piecing you back together, and you pushing us away, and there’s hardly anyone left. Look around you! You’re beyond falling apart, you’re self destructing and you’re sucking other people into the implosion with you.”

Felicity could only blink at Sara as her voice got louder.

“Did you even realize there were other people in your house when the attack happened? There were over a dozen people that were put in harm's way because you ignored everything we tried to tell you about security at the house and decided that you just didn’t care. Those are a dozen people that had to give a testimony, a dozen people who probably can’t sleep tonight because of what they saw happen in your courtyard. John could have been killed! Your life isn’t just happening to you, Felicity.”

Felicity finally found her voice, “You know what, Sara, I really don’t need this right now at this ungodly time of night, I already have a headache-”

Sara slapped a palm down on the counter top as Felicity turned to leave the kitchen, “God, you try to run away from everything, Felicity! You literally ran away today, which, I have to mention, makes my job incredibly difficult. I worked hard to make sure that the public thinks you’re recovering in the hospital. I burned bridges, I used up favors in order to give you the space you need to recover. You can’t just go traipsing up and down the street because you just don’t care anymore. Thank god you look like shit or someone could have recognized you-”

“That’s enough.” They both jumped in surprise as Lyla entered the kitchen.

“You’re both tired, it’s been a long day. This conversation doesn’t need to be happening right now. Go to bed.”

Sara took a long and hard look at Felicity before walking briskly out of the kitchen.

Felicity stared at her feet.

“Is she right, Lyla?”

Lyla turned from watching Sara walk away, letting some silence stretch on as she studied Felicity in the dim light of the kitchen. “She’s right and she’s wrong.”

Felicity tilted her head, encouraging Lyla to continue. 

“You’ve always cared, it’s just that these days you’ve got a vested interest in making people think that you don’t.”

She opened her mouth to protest, the words dying on her lips as Lyla gave her a long, hard look. Felicity’s gaze fell to the floor.

“Felicity,” Lyla started, her tone indicating that she wanted more of her attention than she was currently giving to the floor, “You single-handedly helped John and I build our company. You were there for both of us when we didn't know if Argus was going to make it. You got Sara the job at Helix, and you gave Roy a job when he was virtually unemployable after rehab. You-” 

“Lyla,”

“No, let me finish. You’re the one who's always doing incredible things for the people in your life, and it’s killing you for me to even acknowledge it for a moment. You’re always there for everyone in your life, Felicity, and I think it’s more than fair that we get to return the favor and help you now. Stop trying to do this on your own.”

Felicity could only look up at her briefly before looking back down at the floor.

“Now.” Lyla shifted, “Is John okay? Are _you_ okay? I took the first flight I could get.”

\---

“It’s time for me to go home.”

Three heads shot up to look at her over paperwork that was strewn across the coffee table.

“What? Felicity, this is something that really needs to be given some thought. It’s only been a few days.” John started. 

“I have thought about it.”

John looked up at her in a way that made Felicity cross her arms a little bit tighter. His face was still swollen. He looked across the table to Lyla and Sara, searching for some support from the two as Felicity continued.

“Sara, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what you said. I think it’s time for all of you to stop having to take care of me. I haven’t been working and I’ve had way too much free time to fall apart. I need to get busy.”

John looked at Sara accusingly.

“Well, that’s really not the point I was trying to make-” Sara held out her hands defensively,

“I’ve decided to let Helix assign me a bodyguard. I want to get back to work, and if I want to do that, I need to stick to the contract I signed with Helix. Besides, I know how busy you all are and I can’t ask that one of you be around for me all the time.” 

John’s gaze focused on her once again, with even more confusion and a dash of suspicion in his eyes. Lyla spoke up first, “That’s great, Felicity!” One gentle hand placed over Johns. 

“I read about the other attacks. I would ask what exactly that’s about, but I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of anyone these days.” She cast accusing looks at John and Sara. “I’m figuring that it shouldn’t take long for Helix to determine that there’s no threat to my life anymore. I shouldn’t need anyone around for much more than a week. Then, things can start getting back to normal.” Felicity finished with a smile of satisfaction.

John was narrowing his eyes at her, ready to chime in when Lyla elbowed him in the ribs.

“There’s so much to do, I guess I can let the press know that I’m not actually breathing my last in a hospital now!” Felicity paced as she outlined her plans. “We’ll do a statement and then maybe a round of talk shows, we’ll figure something out, right Sara? Oh! Which reminds me, I called one of the detectives and he said my house should be clear by the end of the week. He gave me the number of some people to come and clean the house because of-”

Felicity stuttered, the facade of her suddenly determined demeanor cracking. Three faces looked up at her, full of pity. She tried again, “Because of-”

“You didn’t have to do that Felicity, I could have made those calls for you.” Sara said soothingly.

She knew that Sara was trying to reach out, but she drew away, “Yeah, well, gotta keep busy! Anyway, I’ve got a big week and I need to plan and pack.”

“Felicity,” John started hesitantly, “I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Lyla and I were actually discussing whether it was a good idea to return to that house at all.”

“What?” Felicity sputtered, “What do you mean?

John continued despite Lyla’s best efforts, “We think that maybe we could find you something a bit more secure-”

“Are you kidding me? I barely just moved in,” She shook her head incredulously, “You can’t ask me to pack up and move, _again,_ and for the same exact reasons. You’re already asking me to have some guy I don’t even know follow me around all the time, I’m not about to change my entire life because of this.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now.” Lyla interjected, “It seems like you have plans to move forward, Felicity, and I think that’s the best thing to do right now, as long as you let us help you.” Lyla finished with a pointed look at John. A moment passed between the two.

“Okay, Felicity, we’ll be right there with you in whatever you decide to do.” John smiled forcefully up at her. “And I know we’ll all feel a lot better knowing there’s someone there to keep you safe.”

Felicity quirked an eyebrow at his sudden agreeableness, “O-kay.”

“Although we would feel even better knowing that your gate code isn’t just 1234.”

Felicity rolled her eyes as she exited the room.

Well that certainly wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for- she had thought they would be happy to see her get back to work. She shook it off, heading back to her bedroom to gather up the few things that John had managed to bring over from her house. Despite the tense conversations of the past few days, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of fondness thinking about the unspoken communication she had observed between John and Lyla. As grateful as she was for them, she was looking forward to getting back to her own space.

She had been busying herself for a few minutes when a soft knock on her open door caused her to jump.

Her hand went to her chest, catching her breath when she saw Sara. 

“Were you smiling?”

Felicity shrugged, “I finally have something to do.”

They looked at each other for a moment before Felicity turned away from Sara, she couldn’t do this with her, not yet. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sara questioned softly. 

Felicity’s eyes went wide, and it took a moment to realize she was talking about going back to her house. “I’m sure that I don’t like living out of a suitcase when I don’t have to.”

Sara came to stand by Felicity at her bed, picking up a few items of clothing and beginning to fold them.

“I meant the press thing.” She looked at Felicity from the corner of her eye as she continued to fold. “It’s just- it feels a bit fast. You haven’t really had time to- recover.”

“It’s been three days. Anyone else would have been out in front of this thing already.”

“Your story isn’t going anywhere, Felicity. People are going to be just as interested in what you have to say a few weeks from now when you’ve taken the time to get your head screwed on right. Right now, we have the time, and I think you should take it.”

Felicity snorted, “I think we both know it’s going to take more than just a few weeks, if and when I ever decide to do something about my head.”

Sara put down the shirt she had been folding. “I just need you to be sure. If you start all of this now, it’s not going to stop. There’s not going to be any more time to recover, let alone time to catch a breath.” She reached out to rest a hand on top of Felicity’s, where she had also paused in her task, “Don’t do this because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. You don’t know when to give yourself a break sometimes- take a week, a few days even.”

Felicity turned her hand over to give Sara’s a squeeze, and then continued where she had left off folding. “I’m doing this, and not because it’s what I’m supposed to do, but because it’s what I need right now. I’ve already had too much time to breathe, and look where it’s gotten me.”

So many sentences started and died on Sara’s tongue. She wanted to ask Felicity if she really had been breathing in her long months away, or if she had been suffocating herself. She wanted to tell Felicity that she was her friend and that she was going to have her back this time. She wanted to apologize for their screaming match in the kitchen. She wanted to ask if she was remembering being attacked every time she caught her flinching. But she didn’t know how to say anything to Felicity anymore without being shut out. 

But there were just some things they didn't talk about. She couldn't remember when the unspoken rules had been set into place, but she knew that Felicity would expect her to push past it and move on. Let it slide. 

So she swallowed down all the words and the questions running through her head, and did the only thing she could do to help. “Yeah. We can sit down and plan some appearances in the few days it’ll take to get your house clear.”

Sara smiled a tight smile at her friend, "But, Felicity, There’s someone we’re going to have to see first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the song "Slide" by LPX.
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes you may find as there is not a beta in sight, and all graphics have been made by me. 
> 
> Please drop me a comment to let me know if you enjoyed this chapter! What do you want to find out next? What characters are you excited to see?


	4. No Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity meets with someone important, and realizes that this whole 'starting over' thing might not get to be on her own terms.
> 
> Returning home brings back memories- and she recalls why Roy looks at her the way he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- implied/referenced drug or alcohol addiction

* * *

**March 2021**

Felicity fidgeted with a stubborn curl that had poked its way out of her slick bun. It was almost a refreshing change of pace- she hadn't been made to wait for anyone in a long time, but Amanda Waller seemed to be the exception. 

Felicity’s hands fell into her lap as the woman in question finally breezed through the door of her office. 

“I apologize, Felicity. I was told that you've been waiting. I wasn’t aware we had a meeting.” she smoothed a hand over her smart pencil skirt as she sat down behind her desk. “Is Ms. Lance with you?”

“We don’t, and no, she’s not.” Felicity smiled politely, shifting forward in her chair. “I wanted to speak to you myself.”

"Well, you know my door is always open to you." Waller answered just as politely. 

“Look, you have a company to run. I know you’re a busy woman, so I’ll get straight to the point."

“That’s what I like about you, Felicity.” She smiled back dryly as she looked up from where she was shuffling papers around on her desk. 

“I'd like to be more involved in the decisions that are being made by my management team.”

Waller cocked her head to the side, “I’m sure they would be more than happy to CC you in any emails and invite you to any meetings that are happening, but I think we have all been operating under the assumption that you had taken a step back for the time being.”

Felicity swallowed, “That’s going to change.”

Waller blinked at her, and Felicity watched as the normally quite stilted woman attempted to cover her surprise with another polite smile, “Which decisions have you been unhappy with?”

"Well, for one, Sara tells me that she was told she can’t book me for TV."

Waller shook her head, “I’m not sure how much of it you have seen, but the media surrounding your story is an absolute circus, Felicity. We can’t control the narrative as it is right now.”

“I’d like to try.” Felicity said hopefully, “I want to use this as an opportunity to get back to work- to get things back to how they were.”

Waller sat back in her chair, “Well, I do like the sound of that, what are you thinking?”

“I could have Sara get Susan Williams to drop a guest and have me on her show as soon as this week.”

She took her eyes off Felicity and shook her head slightly, “I’m afraid that I cannot change my mind about a TV appearance, Felicity.”

“But Sara is-”

“Ms. Lance is very good at her job, and I’m sure she agrees with me on this or she would have accompanied you today.” Waller's words were concise and to the point, and Felicity couldn’t help but curse herself internally- she didn’t know why she thought this would go any differently. No matter how well researched and thought out she came to Waller, the woman never failed to make her feel like an obstinate child. 

“I’ve been in this game for a long time, there are years of experience and a team of experts backing up what I am trying to tell you, Felicity. Not all press is good press, you need to be taking small, carefully planned steps right now- _if_ you truly are determined to make an appearance.”

“The media is on my side with this one.” Felicity insisted. “I need to do this.” _I can’t keep hiding_ she wanted to say, biting her tongue to bridle some of her desperation. 

“The media is not your friend, it is a tool. One that I’m afraid cannot be used in our favor at this time.”

Felicity shook her head, reaching for the right words to respectfully disagree.

Waller took a breath, bringing her hands together on top of her desk, “Sara tells me that you’re staying with the Diggle’s. Is that because of the crowd of reporters in front of your house?” 

Felicity faltered, John had been by a few times to get her things and had never once mentioned it to her. She quickly collected herself, but not before Waller had read the surprise on her face.

“Trust me, Felicity, you’re getting enough TV exposure without having to make an appearance. Now, we’ve served each of your guests from that night with an NDA, so we don’t have to worry about any of them speaking to the press. However, that little stunt you pulled the other day didn’t make any of our jobs any easier- we just can’t be sure how many people saw you.” Felicity could only stare back at Waller in shock, she couldn’t imagine who would have told her about that- but the woman seemed to have eyes everywhere. Felicity’s surprise only seemed to make the woman's tone more smug as she continued. “The press is in a frenzy for any bit of information they can get about you right now, and they’re going to weasel it out of someone eventually. It would be my preference that you wait until this all dies down, but I can see that you are determined. If they’re going to get information out of anyone, it might as well be you. Have Sara send me a plan for a small statement or non-television appearance and I will clear it personally.”

Felicity bit her lip, _hard_ , and nodded reluctantly, "Okay. I'd also like to talk to you about this security situation.”

“I’m afraid that is one area where I cannot negotiate with you, Felicity.”

Felicity’s hands gripped at the arm of her chair, hating that this conversation had gone so far off track from how she had planned it in her mind. “It’s unnecessary.” 

“Do you know how many clients I manage here at Helix, Felicity?”

Felicity found herself taken aback once again, frowning at her irrelevant question.

“None of them.” Waller answered for her, smiling tightly as she rose from her desk.

“That’s what our many talented staff are for. As CEO, I could know absolutely nothing about any of our clients and still execute my job quite efficiently.” She walked around to lean on the side of her desk, closer to Felicity. 

“But you have helped make a very good name for Helix, Felicity, you’ve brought us many valuable assets. You insisted we take on Sara when she had zero experience, you brought me Argus when no one had even heard of them. Only a few years ago I could count the number of accounts we managed on one hand. I want you to know that I’m not just handing down decisions I was not involved in. I keep myself apprised to your account specifically, and I have many good reasons to want to ensure your safety.”

“I’m grateful for that, Amanda.” Felicity sounded anything but that as she crossed her legs, “but isn’t there a less invasive way to keep me safe than hiring a round-the-clock babysitter?”

“Things have changed for you significantly in the past few years. I understand why you did not like your security arrangement a few years ago- but that was back before the movies, before the tv show, before you were influencer of the year. It is explicitly written into your contract that you be accompanied by executive protection as the company sees fit. We hire out security services for many of our clients, Felicity, and most of them have not been attacked in their own home.”

Felicity stared hard at the floor, she should have known things would go like this. She knew that somewhere deep down she was supposed to feel grateful towards her, but Amanda Waller had a nasty habit of hijacking her plans. 

“I have personally hired the very best. He’s protected people of great importance, and it took a lot of convincing to get him to come out here for you. You can’t shake him off the way you have done others in the past. Please, give it a chance- and please, no more running around town.”

Felicity gripped the edge of the chair again as Waller gave her a pointed look- once again feeling like a child being scolded.

“Ms. Lance is indeed very good at her job, but you’ll only help her out by giving her fewer stories to bury. I expect that the two of you will both be able to present a performance that is in keeping with the reputation you once held. And I trust that you will remember your media training, this time?"

Felicity bit her tongue, swallowing down the bitterness that rose in her throat as she nodded silently. Waller approved with a smile. 

“You'll work with our security contact to make this ship run a bit smoother. I’ve already forwarded all the details to Sara, you’ll let me know how you get on." Waller said with an air of finality, walking back around her desk to sit in her chair. "Well I guess that's that, then?" 

"Yes." Felicity replied, staring ahead blankly. "I suppose it is."

\---

**Present Day**

**April 2021**

Felicity sat on the bottom step of the stairs while everything swirled around her. 

Her house was alive with activity, a cleaning crew scurried in the background as various members of her team ran back and forth through the foyer with garment bags and equipment. She knew that John had personally screened each and every person that came through the gate today, but she couldn’t help the instinct that told her to look each of them in the eye.

Sara approached with two people Felicity vaguely recognized in tow, “Hey, I thought we’d set up in your room.” 

“Set up?” She repeated, only half listening.

“Yes, you know Karen and Ted.” Sara gestured at them, “Makeup, hair.”

“Yeah, um.” Felicity watched a group of men carry a bundle of black bags out the front door, trying not to think about what was inside. “Right here is fine.”

Sara looked at the two and they nodded, beginning to open up their kit on the steps of the stairs. 

“Alright,” Sara began, “So, this was all pretty last minute but Popcast agreed to letting you moderate questions beforehand. It’s not how they usually do things, it’s kind of a more go-with-the-flow conversational setup, but they assured me they would be sticking to the kinds of questions we outlined. I talked to the hosts personally, they’re super chill, I think this is a great first step for us.” Sara looked up from her notes to smile at Felicity, whose mind was still clearly far away as she zoned out with her head perched in her hands. 

“Hey.” Sara said gently. Felicity angled her head to look up at her. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Felicity's eyes darted to the two workers before looking back up at Sara. “Yeah!” she perked up unconvincingly, “Gotta maintain the image, right? Can’t fade into obscurity having everyone thinking that I’m dead.” She settled her head back into her hands as the makeup artist prodded at her with various makeup brushes. 

Sara shook her head, “Remember what I said? We have time, Felicity.”

“We already had this conversation.” Felicity reminded in a tired voice. 

Sara took a moment to look at her, pushing down the speech that was forming at the tip of her lips before she sighed in resignation, “Okay, well, I’ve got a copy of the questions here. I’ll leave them in the car for you. I’m going to be taking a separate car because that’s what your new security-"

"Remind me why I'm going on a podcast again?"

"Because more people are streaming these days than watching actual TV- oh and because it was literally the only loophole we could find to get Waller to approve of a video appearance."

"What about the Susan Williams thing? Why aren't we jumping on that?"

"I’m actually glad we didn’t go that route, Susan Williams is a joke, you would never be taken seriously for going on that show.”

"That’s certainly not what you seemed to think when we first talked about it.”

“Amanda Waller can be pretty good at getting people to change their minds.” Sara intoned as she tapped busily at her phone.

Felicity raised her eyebrows in agreement.

Sara stopped for a moment to look down at her.

“Felicity?”

“Hmm?” Felicity looked up at Sara, wincing as her hair was tugged from the curling iron in the hairdressers hands. 

“Don’t forget that he starts today.”

“I was trying to block it out, but thanks for reminding me.”

Sara snorted before turning around and heading down the hallway past the foyer. 

She zoned out after that- the longer she stared down the hallway the more the memory came back. Felicity remembered herself following Roy closely down that same hallway, screaming in his face. She breathed deeply to keep the emotions at bay. 

* * *

**Last month,**

**March 2021**

"It sounds awesome, but, Felicity-"

"Roy don't you dare-" Felicity pointed a threatening finger at him from across the kitchen.

"The restaurant was fine, what's wrong with partying with the group we already have here?" He reasoned, "I just don't think that inviting a bunch more people over is the best idea right now, with everything going on."

"Oh my gooood.” She drawled out, putting the cool glass in her hand to her forehead, “You know who you sound like, right?"

Roy sighed, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably, "I think I might actually be starting to see where John is coming from, Felicity."

Felicity spluttered out a laugh around her drink, "Nice one! You know I'd truly love to see the day you and John Diggle actually agree on something."

Roy was unamused, leaning further into the counter behind him as he crossed his arms. 

"Wait, you're serious?" Her tone changed as she took another look at him. "It’s just a housewarming party, Roy. You're not going to stay?

"We both know it's not going to be _just_ anything, Felicity.” He pushed off the counter to meet her where she stood in the middle of the kitchen- the action was clearly meant to be an angry one, but as he got closer she could see that he just looked sad. “And no, I'm not staying- because I quit."

Felicity dropped the drink in her hand, alcohol pouring out onto the floor, silence stretched on as the cup rolled to a stop under the cabinets somewhere.

"Are you really doing this right now? Where is this coming from?" All traces of annoyance were gone from her voice, she drew into herself, giving him that dead eyed stare he was so used to seeing lately. 

“If you’d been listening to me at all for the past few _months_ , you would know.”

“So this is because you’re not getting your way.” Her voice was flat.

Roy had to turn away from her to suppress his frustration. 

"Felicity, this is not about your goddamn housewarming party. This is about how-" he clenched his jaw to keep himself from going there.

"No, go ahead, Roy! I'd like to hear it for once. You don't have to tiptoe around me like everybody else."

"This isn't about you wanting a bunch of people over, Felicity. I'm not an idiot- it's what you're hoping they'll bring with them." Roy paced in front of her, coming to a stop when he had chosen his words. "You're circling the drain." 

The dam of frustration he'd held back broke as his voice shook with emotion. "I can see you starting to get to the bottom, and trust me- I know what that looks like. I can't go down with you, Felicity. You're like a sister to me, I'll always look out for you; but-"

"But what? Are you not having fun anymore?"

"I've got no one to look out for _me_ anymore!” He shouted into the space between them, “I'll always look out for you Felicity, but I don't have anyone to do the same for me."

The look he gave her chipped away at a piece of her heart. She opened her mouth to tell him that she was still looking out- but she knew she couldn't lie to him, and the truth only poisoned her heart with bitterness. 

"Oh, please, you've been getting blitzed right by my side for months." It wasn't what she had intended to say, but now that she had tapped into her anger, it coursed through her. 

The disappointment that dimmed his eyes tore her open.

“Maybe that’s what you’ve been telling yourself to justify this- but I made you a promise. I got clean, and I have been for over a year and a half now. I’m too busy to fall off the wagon, Felicity. I’m too busy trying to get you through weekends that you don't even remember. If you haven't noticed that, well, maybe that's some more shit for you to think about."

"Get the fuck out." Her voice trembled as real emotion seeped in. She raised a hand to point to the door. 

"Felicity-"

"No, get out.” She was yelling now. “I'm not your fucking friend.” She followed him down the hallway as he turned to leave, “I'm not your fucking sister. You're on my payroll, you do what I say, and right now I want you to get the hell out of my house."

He did, and she slammed the door behind him. The tears finally spilled down her face when she found herself all alone.

She couldn't be alone- not right now. So she picked up her phone, and invited over everyone that she knew. 

* * *

**Present Day**

**April 2021**

Her make up artist had stepped back to admire her work as Felicity continued to zone out. She applied some finishing touches of powder, which snapped Felicity out of her reverie long enough to offer an absentminded smile and thank you as the man and woman, names already forgotten, closed up their kits lying next to her on the step. She used to know their names, she used to be friends with the people she worked with- but those people had all moved on now. 

She saw John sidle up to her in the corner of her vision, but he remained a blur as she continued sizing up any and everyone who happened to cross her line of vision. Workers and acquaintances and friends spun around fast enough to give her motion sickness. 

“Felicity,” John started, causing her to finally turn her head to look up at him. As she did, someone she had not noticed before came into her peripheral, and he was walking straight towards her. 

Felicity jumped up from her seat on the stairs, hitting her head on the banister above her.

“ _Shhhit_.” Felicity sighed as she rubbed her head. A large hand reached down to help her up and she flinched away from it. 

She tilted her head back to take in the owner of the hand, a man who stood a head above the already-tall John. 

She stilled, finding herself squinting up into familiar bright blue eyes. 

“Felicity, this is-”

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me.” Felicity said, looking back down at the hand as if it was the root of her nausea.

“You two know each other?” John looked between the two, perplexed. 

“The better question is, how do you two know each other?” Felicity glared at both of them accusingly as she got up on her own, making sure to avoid the bannister. “You're the guy from the coffee shop.”

He reached out his hand again, expecting a handshake, “Miss Smoak, I-”

“Were you following me?” She interrupted, making no move to take his hand. 

He let out a puff of air, finally retracting his hand. “I was gathering background on a potential client.” Felicity sized him up as he clasped his hands behind his back, left foot widening his stance involuntarily into an at-ease position. His suit and tie was a far cry from the henley and baseball cap she had met him in. He turned to John with the familiarity of an old friend, “She spilled coffee on me.” 

“I didn’t get any on you.” She quickly corrected. 

He turned to her again, “I wanted to know what security protocols were in place, how easily I could get close to you. Considering I had zero intention of making contact with you, and still managed to, I would say you’re painting a nice big target on your back.”

Felicity blinked at him before turning to John. “ _This_ is the guy?” 

She glanced his way once more before stepping down from the stairs she had been seated on. “Yeah, I'm not working with this guy.” 

John quickly followed her as she headed for the door and the car waiting for her beyond it, “Felicity, you said you would give it a chance. Besides, you don't have much of a choice. You know that Amanda Waller’s word is law, and besides, he really is the best.”

She glanced behind them to see the man in question trailing at a short distance down her front steps. 

“How do you know him?”

“I toured with him.”

Felicity frowned at that, not recalling his face from the lineup of muscle that worked for John and Lyla’s event security company, “He works for Argus?” 

John laughed at that, “Not that kind of tour, Felicity.”

Felicity’s shoulders dropped, thinking of John’s brief recounting of his time in Iraq. She wondered if they had both been through the kinds of horrors he had described.

“Well, when he’s not being rude, is he any good?”

“Yes- and Felicity,” John put a hand on her arm, managing to capture her genuine attention for a moment, “There’s not a lot of people I would trust with your safety, but he’s one of them. He’s going to keep you safe. Try not to bite his head off”

She narrowed her eyes at the man in question as he came closer, "I'm looking forward to working with you, Miss Smoak."

"We'll see." She muttered, climbing into the car. 

\---

The world continued to spin outside the tinted windshields as the car sped Felicity towards downtown. Felicity held her head to the window, the coolness of it grounding her even as the world continued to spin on. 

“Miss Smoak.”

How could it keep spinning? It just kept going and going and people kept moving even when her entire world had stopped. 

“Miss Smoak.”

“Please stop talking.” Felicity groaned out, head still against the glass. 

“All I said was your name.” she wasn't looking but she could hear the amused smile behind his voice. 

"My name is Felicity." Her head continued to jostle against the window, “And where’s Sara?”

“In front of us.” Felicity glanced up to see another black SUV down the road in front of them. “From now on you and I will be taking separate transportation and an alternate route from-”

“Since when?”

She could visibly see him struggling to hold on to his professional facade, “It’s all in the new security protocols that I-”

“I don’t care.” She declared, fully aware of how childish she sounded considering she was the one that had asked him. 

“Miss Smoak, we need to talk about this.”

“We really don’t.”

“Actually, we do.”

Felicity picked her head up from the window to shoot daggers at him with her eyes- who exactly did this person think he was?.

“I wasn’t trying to be smart when I said that you’re painting a target on your back, your current security measures are nonexistent. Your entire front gate setup is outdated, you have exactly two cameras in your house and they’re both pointed at the driveway. An armed assailant managed to climb over your fence- your _unsecured_ fence- sneak into your house, and remained there undetected for several hours until he-”

“Stop talking.”

“We need to talk about this so that I can do my job.” His voice was gravely, and it was grating against her every nerve.

“I mean it. Stop. Talking.”

“Miss Smoak.” 

Felicity hand latched onto the door handle before she could even think about it. She pulled, her entire body poised to jump, prepared for the burn of the pavement hitting her skin. 

It didn’t come.

She pulled at the door again, and then at the lock, which popped up and slipped out of her grasp each time. Panic rose in her throat as she clawed at the door. 

“Your friends told me about your party trick, but I didn’t think you’d try it so soon.” He chuckled in a way she found particularly irritating.

Felicity turned to him, hoping he wouldn't see her for the cornered animal she was. “You turned the child locks on?”

“No, Miss Smoak. The doors won’t open while the car is in drive. This car is completely bulletproof, and can keep its occupants alive in almost any element.”

“I didn’t ask for this. Why is the car bulletproof?”

He looked at her like she was asking why the sky was blue, “For your protection.”

“Is someone going to try to shoot me?" Felicity practically laughed in his face, "You don’t need to go changing everything, I mean, who would want to shoot me? Some other c-lister with less followers than me?”

“I don't think I need to remind you that someone had a gun pointed at your head not long ago."

"Yeah, well, he's dead now." Her eyes went wide, she could hardly believe the words that spat out of her own mouth. Her hands itched to open the car door, but there was nowhere she could run from the images in her mind. She turned her head back to the window so he wouldn't see the horror reflected in her eyes- the panic that clawed at her throat thinking about the blood that covered the ground. 

There was always blood. Her blood, and now his blood. Dark red and climbing higher every minute, and she was going to drown in it. 

"You don't have to worry," His voice cut through her thoughts, "I'm not going to let you out of my sight." 

"You know, that's not as reassuring as it probably sounded in your head." She murmured, her face still turned away from him. 

She watched his reflection in the window as he raked his hands through his closely cropped hair. 

A few minutes passed and Felicity found herself being drawn out of watching the palm trees go past by his quiet question.

"What were you planning on doing? Walking to the interview?"

She glanced over at him before turning back to the window, irritated by the question. "I don't know."

"So you had no plan."

"You think I planned for any of this to happen?"

"You shouldn't just be walking around the streets alone."

"Why not? I've been fine so far."

"You weren't exactly alone the last time."

Felicity turned to him in surprise, "You- I knew it." 

He showed no change of expression in the face of her anger. 

"I knew someone was following me. Do you always go around stalking your clients? You scared the shit out of me."

"Look, Miss Smoak, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here."

"It’s Felicity, and it's a little too late for that."

Felicity shook her head in exasperation, letting it fall back against the window as she ignored him for the remainder of the ride. 

\---

Felicity made her way through the studio at a clipped pace, determined to lose him. Her nose was buried in her phone with Sara beside her, and _him_ behind her.

"No one said anything about this being live." He said lowly. 

Sara turned to him in surprise as they kept walking, “I’m so sorry, I thought I had mentioned it in the brief-.”

Felicity cut in sarcastically, "It's 2021, what did you think it was going to be? On VHS?"

She heard a small huff of annoyance as he picked up the pace behind her, Felicity almost smiled knowing that she was getting to him just a little bit. 

"So you're completely fine with broadcasting your current location to thousands of people when I just finished telling you that your life is in danger."

Whatever semblance of a smile Felicity had on her face dropped, all prior signs of amusement drained from her face. She looked at Sara who had turned to look at her at the same time- they were both caught off guard. 

"You didn't think about that, did you?" He caught up and kept pace beside her, "You just don't think." He finished, more to himself. 

"Oh yeah, and you've learned this about me through our long working relationship of, let's see," Felicity looked down at her phone, " _T_ _wo hours_."

"I can't let you do this."

Felicity abruptly came to a stop and he followed suit, "Let me?" she repeated his words. 

Sara took a step back from both of them. 

She scoffed into his stony face, “Oh, you’re serious?” Felicity put her phone in her pocket to free up a hand to point at him. 

"Let's make something very clear about this brief moment of time that you are going to be in my vicinity. You can give me _suggestions_ about how to be safe, and I _might_ take them into consideration- but at no point will you be _letting_ me do anything."

"Maybe _I'm_ not being clear, Miss Smoak." He took a step into her personal space, his voice low, "If you do this, people will know exactly where you are for the entire length of the interview. There are exactly five points of entry to this building, and a sad excuse for a rent-a-cop at the front desk. That glass panel into the recording booth may be soundproof, but it's certainly not bullet proof. There are no security cameras in this wing at all unless you count the ones recording you in the booth. Someone could end your life without even stepping into the same room. But hey, at least your death would be broadcast live for thousands, right?"

Felicity froze up, her entire body screaming at her to protest his words, but she was frozen. 

"Is that what you want?" His voice dropped down to almost a whisper. 

She welcomed the walls that closed in on her like an old friend, allowing herself to close her eyes for just a moment to let them suffocate her. She opened them and continued to stare up at him.

"I've got good reflexes, I'll duck." She joked bitterly. 

His eyebrows knit together, "If you don't care about yourself, think about the other people that could get hurt."

He took a step back, arms crossed. She remembered how to breathe again. 

“I think he might be right, Felicity.” Sara spoke up and Felicity jerked her head towards her in surprise, forgetting that she had been there. “We could ask them to delay the broadcast, or we could try to reschedule. We’ll come up with a better plan-” Sara glanced at him, “together.”

"What do you want to do, Miss Smoak?" He asked again.

Her throat opened up just enough to swallow past the lump that had grown there. "It's Felicity." She hated the gravelly way her voice came out. "And I want to go to the bathroom."

"Great." He muttered sarcastically, swiftly moving in the general direction of the bathroom.

There was fire in her eyes as she looked at Sara, her jaw tight, “This is exactly why I didn’t want this.” 

By the time she reached the bathroom he had already done a full sweep, and was holding the door open for her.

"You know you're a caveman, right?" She glared as she walked past. 

He resisted the urge to snarl at her, realizing it would only further prove her point. 

He stood at ease in front of the bathroom door, even though he was anything but. He took a rare moment to close his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose for some relief from the new headache that was Felicity Smoak. He went over the layout of the building in his head, there were only a few staff in this studio and he could remember where all of them were standing at the moment he closed his eyes. There was one main door into the studio, and no windows to the outside except for the one in the bathroom, which he had locked when he had done his sweep. 

His eyes shot open. _There was a window in the bathroom._ He immediately turned and pounded on the door, "Miss Smoak?"

No answer. 

"Miss Smoak?" He pulled at the door, and then backed up for a kick when it refused to budge. 

Employees that had been milling around stopped and looked at each other. The frame shattered and the door swung open on his third try. 

Oliver rushed into the bathroom and found himself looking out of an open window. 

She was gone. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the song "No Plan" by Hozier
> 
> They meet at last! and they hate each other! All the tropes! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Shoutout to everyone who guessed that the guy from the cafe was Oliver!
> 
> What is going on with Roy? and where do you think Felicity will go this time?


	5. I Don't Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year ago, Felicity started down a very dark chain of events.
> 
> In the present day, Oliver looks for Felicity, and both of them find more than they bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for disordered eating. This is not a major theme of this story and will likely only be mentioned in this chapter.

* * *

**Last Year**

**January 2020**

“Congratulations on walking in Star City Fashion Week! You absolutely killed it, everyone is talking about it.”

“Thank you so much!”

“So, you’ve been nominated for a Netty award, you just walked at fashion week, you’ve got a new movie in the works- some are saying this is the year of Felicity Smoak. And the year has barely begun!”

“Wow! That’s- I mean, I’m so flattered! But, you know, there is not a single thing I could have accomplished so far without my mother. Really, this should be her year.” Felicity beamed, “And I'm beyond happy that I was invited to walk. I was so nervous, I felt so out of my depth going into this.”

“I’m so honored to be able to sit down and talk with you about this incredible year you’ve got coming up, but before we really get into it, there’s something that’s really burning at the front of everyone's mind. I have to ask- do you have anything to say in response to Evelyn Sharp?”

Felicity looked to her publicist, Isabel, where she stood off to the side, away from the glaring lights. Before Felicity could even convey her confusion, Isabel lurched forward and Felicity rushed to answer the question before she could put a stop to it. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” She said simply, crossing her legs and leveling the reporter with her most innocent look. She tried to ignore Isabel gesturing at the producers in her peripheral.

“The two of you used to be inseparable, but since 2019, you have nurtured somewhat of a public distaste for each other, to put it mildly.” The reporter paused, Felicity’s leg bounced up and down in a quiet display of her annoyance. 

She gave in and darted her eyes to the side where she saw Isabel warning her with her eyes- the look hit a nerve with her. She lifted her chin arrogantly, and changed her tone, “Was that a question?”

“Well, I suppose I’m asking: is there truly some kind of beef there, or is it all just speculation?”

“There’s no bad blood there, people grow apart sometimes, and I think people really do read too much into things. If you tell me exactly what was said, maybe I could be more helpful.” She tried to summon up a genuine smile as she gave the fakest possible answer she could think of. 

“So, you unfollowed Alena as well back in August, was that just people reading into things?”

Felicity’s smiled fumbled, she looked down to gather herself, hating that small moment of transparency. Her leg began to bounce up and down at a furious rate as she swallowed down her rage. She hated that she even had to hear that name right now, that it had summoned up thoughts of Cooper and the horrible scandal that was awaiting her if someone decided to dig deeper into their breakup. 

Isabel finally piped up from the sidelines, “Can we stick to vetted questions, please?” 

"Let's take five." Someone yelled out from somewhere behind a large screen. Things came to a halt as people crawled out from behind the cameras to adjust microphones and lights. A producer came over to whisper fight with Isabel. 

Felicity looked back at her interviewer, she told herself it was the bright lights making her eyes burn. 

“Show me.” Felicity said quietly.

The interviewer's face lit up as her eyes met Felicity’s from where they sat opposite each other. She picked her phone up from where it sat on her lap and swiped a couple of times. Her eyes scanned the screen one last time before handing it over.

Felicity reached across the space between them to take the phone. She saw the twitter icon in the corner and scanned down to see Evelyn’s username. 

Felicity’s face went slack as she let the phone slip to her lap. The reporter had not taken her eyes off Felicity as she read the vile tweet. 

Felicity felt something bubbling up from deep within her. She looked down at her lap and remembered that she needed to hand the phone back. She reached out across the space between them to hand it back, and just then a giggle slipped out of Felicity’s mouth. She brought her hand back to stifle it, but it was too late. Laughter poured out of her mouth, but she didn’t recognize the sound of it. 

For a moment it felt like she was watching herself from across the room as she began laughing hysterically. There were maybe ten crew members in the room, and they all came to a stop, there was no sound but the whir of heavy camera equipment and the insane laughter coming from her mouth. 

She had to do something, she had to lighten the tension. “That’s so fucking stupid.” Felicity laughed, her voice came out louder than she had intended. 

She looked around at several sets of shocked faces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say fuck.” She mumbled. 

Her brow tightened as she changed her mind, raising her voice once again. “No, you know what- think about it, think about how fucking dumb that is. She’s subtweeting me like we’re in middle school or something.” 

Felicity looked to her interviewer, waiting for someone to say something. When they stayed silent, she looked to Isabel, who looked like she had a massive headache coming on.

Felicity crossed her arms, “It’s always the people that have nothing going on that love to criticize. What has she done that makes her think she has the right to look down on me? I’ve worked my ass off and it still doesn’t seem to make a difference.”

“Felicity-” Isabel started, walking over to her client.

“No, I’m serious! It doesn’t matter whether I have ten followers or ten million, it’s always the same comments. ‘Felicity Smoak is overweight, she’s an industry plant, she’s just someones talentless ex.’ It’s 2020 for gods sake, how is fat shaming even still a thing?”

Felicity turned back to her interviewer. “Do you know that I starved myself for months before fashion week?”

“Let’s go Felicity.” Isabel put her hand on her arm and Felicity wrenched it away.

“People go on and on about celebrity diets, but you want to know the real secret? Just don’t eat anything, and hope you don’t die trying to get that perfect red carpet photo. Did you know I ended up in the hospital? Of course you don’t, because of my wonderful publicist here.”

Isabel tried to talk over Felicity, finally resorting to grabbing her upper arm and dragging her out of the chair. 

“But none of it means anything- you can lose as much weight as you want, you can try to mold yourself into the person they want you to be and they’re still going to talk shit about you. I almost killed myself trying to make you all happy, and you know what I get? I get pregnancy rumors while I’m at home recovering.”

Isabel continued to pull her towards the door even as Felicity tried to lunge out of her grip. Another member of her team joined them and pulled her away. 

“I’m done! I’m done performing for all of you like some kind of puppet. Fuck this. And fuck Evelyn Sharp.”

She cut one final look at the interviewer as she went slack in their arms, “I hope you got what you wanted out of me.”

Felicity Smoak was carried out of the room, and everyone looked around at each other in amazement.

The interviewer looked into the flashing red light of the camera with the biggest smile. 

* * *

**Present Day**

**April 2021**

“I told you she would try this.” John snapped, his frustration coming in clear through the phone. 

“She did try it, while we were in the car on the way there. I didn’t think it would happen again.”

“Yeah, well, she's persistent. And she's got a knack for proving people wrong. I can’t believe it only took a couple of hours for her to lose you.” John grumbled. 

Oliver’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he scanned the sidewalks, “It took two, Sergeant. I was a little more focused on keeping other people out, not on keeping her in. It's going to take some getting used to, protecting someone who doesn't want protection.” 

John stayed quiet for a moment. Oliver had circled every block in the area, and she was nowhere to be seen. 

“This isn’t the desert, Queen, there’s no rank here. This is someone that I care about, and I’m trusting you to keep her safe.”

Oliver swallowed guiltily, “I will.”

The line was quiet for another moment.

“But John, this isn’t-” Oliver stopped to collect his scattered thoughts, “this isn’t what I thought it would be.”

“I thought you did your homework.”

“Of course I did, but I could read everything that’s ever been written about her and that still wouldn’t be the person I met today. Either I got knocked over the head, or Sara's a damn good publicist.”

"Sara wasn't always her publicist," John hesitated, “and it didn’t used to be like this- before. Please just be patient with her, Oliver. We all know how she can be,” He admitted, “and now that you do too, I'm sure it won’t happen again.”

“No. It won’t.” Oliver mulled over his next words as he pulled into a parking lot.

“and, John?”

“Yeah?” John answered absentmindedly, busy doing his own searching on the other end.

“Don’t you think this would be a lot easier if she knew?”

John sighed deeply, “She’s been through a lot this year, Oliver.”

“I understand that, I do, but it would make protecting her a whole lot easier if she knew what she was being protected from.”

Silence stretched on between the two, “We’ll talk about it.” John conceded. “For now, check your phone, I have some ideas of where she could be. And, Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“To be fair, it only took her fifteen minutes to lose her last detail.”

Oliver shook his head as he turned the call off through the cars console, one hand still tight on the wheel. Two fingers rubbed against his thumb, eyes closing as his head fell back against the headrest. 

His head snapped back up as the sun danced back and forth in his eyes. He reached out to still the dog tags twirling around under the rearview mirror. He didn't linger before he reached over to the passenger seat for his phone. 

He scrolled through the apps, watching John's text come through and swiping it away. Opening up Twitter, he typed her name into the search bar.

There she was, a grainy photo of her with the name of the street in the caption. She had somehow already made it halfway across town in those heels. 

The thought of her getting into a stranger's car spurred him into action. He’d only been successfully shaken off a handful of times in his career, and never like this. 

He tossed the phone back onto the seat, starting the car and tearing out of the parking lot. 

  
  


\---

His sight locked on her from the moment he opened the door. She was seated at the bar on the opposite side of the restaurant. She was laughing boisterously at something one of the gaggle of girls surrounding her was saying when she locked eyes with him, the humor draining from her face. 

He gestured to the patio outside with a nod of his head. Her face twisted in annoyance- loathe to go anywhere he wanted her to. But she figured he was going to get to her one way or another- she might as well pick the easy way. 

She got up, shooting him a hateful look that she kept up all the way to the patio doors. 

He followed, stalking her almost parallel across the restaurant, soaking up the look she was giving. 

Felicity made it outside first, where it was just starting to get dark. She neglected the outdoor seating in favor of leaning against the restaurant's brick wall facade. She took out a cigarette, lit it, and closed her eyes as she took a long drag. When she opened them, he was in front of her, plucking the cigarette from her hand and putting it out on the ground with the sole of one of his black leather oxfords.

He was outwardly calm for all the anger burning in his eyes, he spoke softly, “Weren't you in a 'smoking kills' campaign?”

She spared a glance down at the dying cigarette, then back up to him, “Can't kill me if someone else gets to me first.”

It was like flipping a switch- Oliver growled in annoyance, hands tightening into fists at his sides as he stepped closer. “Why is everything a joke to you?”

She straightened her stance, “Why is everything so serious to _you_?” she challenged, a smile on her face that dared him to wipe it off.

“Do you know how I found you? There are strangers all up and down the block taking your photo and telling the world where they saw you. John is out looking, worried sick- something that happens all the time, I’m finding out- and you’re just here partying it up."

She held that same smug smile, relishing his reaction. 

"Do you realize how selfish that is?" 

The smile dropped. He could see something briefly dawn in her eyes. He didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to her- but before he could back away he watched that very same something in her eyes get pulled away behind a thick, barbed wire wall that made up what he knew of her so far. 

His tone softened, “How did you even get here?”

She switched gears, eyes roving over him slowly- too slowly for a sober person, Oliver realized with a frown. He was close enough to feel her alcohol soaked breath hot on his cheek, his frown deepened and she burst into giggles, reaching out a finger to trace the crease in his forehead.

“I have my wayyyyss.” She giggled again. 

His eyes bore into hers, a growl bubbling up from deep within as he snatched her finger away. “We’re leaving.” He snarled, her fingers still held tightly in his grip between them. 

She yanked her hand out of his, “We leave when I say so.”

He shook his head slowly, taking a step back from her, “That’s not how this is going to work.”

She swayed on her feet, laughing maliciously, “Fine. I already got what I came here for.” She began to turn towards the door, “I’ll be out after one more dri-”

Before she could process what was happening he had a firm grip on her waist and was hauling her up. 

The moment his hands were on her it was all she could think about, and she hated it. They burned like an iron brand, searing through her drunken haze. 

“Don’t touch me!” She fought, elbowing him in the back of the head as she was slung over his shoulder. 

“Really?” She shrieked, beating at his back with closed fists, “This is so juvenile, even for you.”

“And you’re surprisingly articulate, for a drunk.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not while you’re intoxicated, but thanks for the offer.”

Felicity screamed in annoyance and pounded on his back even harder. 

He carried her around the outside of the restaurant to where the car sat idling by the valet. At the last minute, he thought about the many civilians milling about with cell phones in hand. He slipped her down from his shoulder, holding her out in front of him, bridal style. This change was met with more colorful language on her end but he was not about to let her out of his sight now that he knew exactly how strong her tendency was to run. 

He loosened his grip, feeling some of the fight drain out of her as he unlocked the car door with one hand. He deposited her into the car, shutting the door firmly before slipping into the driver's seat.

Pausing to take a deep breath, he spotted a paparazzo on the corner, talking to the valet while looking curiously at the large vehicle with its tinted windows. Oliver jumped in the driver's seat before the man could figure out exactly who he had just put in the backseat of the car. He turned on the window locks for good measure before speeding away from the restaurant. 

Oliver felt lost and left behind, trying to fill in the gap between public persona and reality. This job was certainly going to be a headache and a half, but he was going to see it through- he had to. 

Looking in the rear view mirror, he could see her trying to blink away the effects of the alcohol as the city sped past them. 

She was asleep before they made it halfway home.

\---

“You can leave now.” Felicity announced, stumbling out of his grip and through her front door. “You’ve done your job, you won, so you can go home now.”

“Let’s get you up to your room.” He said calmly, guiding her with a hand on her back.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” She seethed, arching away from his touch. “I told you not to touch me and I meant it.”

Oliver took a breath, “You should have a drink of water, some aspirin maybe, Miss Smoak.”

“Oh, don’t act like you’re better than me. You know what you are? You’re arrogant, and you’re an asshole.” She stormed up the stairs, leaving him standing in the foyer. “And my name is Felicity!”

“You don't even know me.” Oliver spoke quietly, but his voice echoed through the empty foyer and up the stairs. 

Felicity stopped in her ascent of the staircase, loathe to let him have the last word. 

“This entire day that we’ve been together, do you even know my name?” He continued, his head tilted to the side expectantly, waiting to hear what she had to say in answer.

“I know exactly who you are.” She spat as she turned around and took a few steps down the stairs toward him.

“You're a stuck up, silver-spooned son of an army general who followed in his father's footsteps. Graduated with honors from the top military school in the country before taking your tour of violence in Libya, Iraq, Syria and ‘redacted’. You climbed the ranks quickly, no doubt through nepotism, and by being the notorious bastard that stands in front of me now." Felicity angled her head at him, waiting for his reaction. "You met Sergeant John Diggle in Iraq during his second tour, you took shrapnel in Syria and decided to retire to an easier life- babysitting senators and c-list celebrities, apparently. Well I don't need a babysitter, Oliver Jonas Queen, and I certainly don't need to know you to know that I don't like you.” She finished, taking one last fumbling step down the stairs.

From where she stood on the last step, they were almost eye level. She stared at him with all the seething hatred she could muster, and he put his hands in his pockets as he stared back calmly. His unbothered demeanor only stoked the fire of her anger. 

  
"Well I'm glad you've got the official story." Oliver plastered on the fakest grin in his inventory as he took a step closer. "and you're right. You don't need a babysitter, you need someone to keep you alive. You think you can run all around this city alone, run away from the people who want to keep you safe, but you have no idea how lucky you are to be standing here right now.” He took a step forward, his voice menacingly low, “So let’s get one thing clear- my ability to keep you from harm will outweigh your comfort. You don’t have to like me, hell, you don’t even have to tolerate me, but you need to listen to me. If I think something is unsafe, we’re going to discuss it- together. No more running. You may think that you don’t need me, but just look around, Felicity, read a headline- If you think you're not in any danger, you must be blind from having your head so far up your ass.”

  
  
Felicity huffed in disbelief, eyes burning and jaw almost to the floor. Her heels clicked quickly down the hallway as she shoved past him. Oliver heard the echo of her raised voice and another woman from where they were in the kitchen. 

“He has got to go.”

“Oh, hey, you’re still alive.” Sara monotoned, not even looking up from her computer. 

Felicity rounded the kitchen island clumsily as she tried to get Sara’s attention,

“Make him leave, Sara.”

“There’s not much I can make anyone do, anymore. Especially when you’re a no show to your own interview.”

“Look, so I get that you’re mad, but it’s a really funny story.” Felicity suppressed a giggle.

Sara finally looked up at her, shaking her head, “You’re drunk, Felicity. Clearly you need him.”

“Just like he needs a swift kick in the ass!”

Sara snorted, “Seems like the two of you are getting on famously.”

“I have never been so disrespected as I have been today.” Felicity fumed, finger pointing sloppily at the air.

“I’m sure whatever was said was well deserved.”

“You’re seriously taking his side? You’ve barely even met the bastard! You know, I’m starting to think he was sent here to finish me off!”

Oliver chose that moment to enter the conversation, “I might just, if you continue to be this much of a pain in the ass.” 

Sara actually smiled at that, “We didn’t really get a chance for introductions before, I’m Sara Lance- the publicist.”

“Oliver Queen, the bastard.” He nodded at her. 

“Oh, that is _it_.” Felicity turned and stomped out of the kitchen, pausing as she passed him in the door way, "I won't be requiring your services any longer, Mr. Queen." 

She stalked out of the kitchen and back up the stairs, hearing his footsteps behind her. 

She whipped around, "I said leave!"

"With all due respect, Ms. Smoak, you didn't hire me, and you can't fire me."

She stared at him, groaning her frustrating when he gestured for her to continue up the stairs. 

"Well, aren't you going to leave for the night?" She continued to stare him down. 

"I’m staying here, the arrangements have already been made." 

Felicity blinked in disbelief, her fists balled up tight at her side. She let out another annoyed grunt as she continued to stomp up the stairs. 

Oliver followed close behind her, she could feel him there as real as the walls on every side that were closing in on her. The itching feeling returned at her neck and crawled up her spine and she turned around to lash out at him when she reached the second floor. 

The moment she did, she saw the warning written across his every feature. Mistaking his warning for self defense, she opened her mouth to tell him off. 

His eyes went wide, shaking his head slowly as his eyes moved past her, focusing on something, or someone over her shoulder. 

Panic slammed into her like a ton of bricks, she would have fallen over if he wasn’t standing so close. 

“Do not move.” He whispered. “I’m going to reach for my gun, do not make a sound.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for bearing with me as we start to explore just how much this Felicity has been through! Please please leave a comment if you can :)
> 
> Title is from the song I Don't Like You by Grace VanderWaal


End file.
